a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Send help, water and tortillas.
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I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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