my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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