ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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