u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
