Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
