Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
