Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
