guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
