I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
