no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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