imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
