I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this just has baby written all over it
worst night to have a conscience
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
