hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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