my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize