Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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