Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
