And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize