Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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