There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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