I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
