I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
