he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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