people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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