apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize