We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
