I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
