i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
