whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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