Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
