when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
