I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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