dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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