why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
