i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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