i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
