as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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