I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
