It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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