to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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