He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Semen is not good for contacts.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
