I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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