May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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