you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
