My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
