Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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