uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
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