ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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