i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
