So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
