So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
