38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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