Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
