Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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