So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
