don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just high enough for therapy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
