Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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