My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
