So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
