pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
