2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So much rum. So many feels.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
