I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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