drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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