when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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