He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
