well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
