just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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