That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
